Boston in one week! :)

Yesterday as I was flying up south to Oakland, I thought about how great the Bay Area really is…and how I could recognize the freeways from over 3000 miles high. And how there is no place on earth like the Bay Area…and how I…

Ok, stop there. No thoughtful mushy ilovebayarea post here. Despite a small moment of yearning, I felt this kind of reluctance to return. Everything is too familiar. Everything, so many people are the same. I really couldn\’t tell what freeway or bridge I was looking at over 3000 miles above. And I would hate to stoop to the line of I love the Bay Area and I could never leave. After spending one year in Pittsburgh, I find that I really like new things. Change is good. Even though Pittsburgh lacks much of the \”excitement\” that a city like San Francisco (or Berkeley for that matter) has, Pittsburgh has its own charm. Any small adventure in Pittsburgh is a large adventure itself. And its own uniqueness. And serendipity. There\’s no such thing in the Bay Area. It is expected that things are different out there. There are no remarks about how horrible the weather is, how loud the thunder is, because it never isn\’t.

Not that I miss Pittsburgh, but why would I want to live in a place that I have lived my entire life? I am one of the few people I know from Berkeley that decided to go out of state after graduation. So many people are afraid to leave what they know. You can always learn to love anywhere you move to. Silver linings are abound.

But the people I shall always miss. If you\’re available this week (until next Monday when I leave), give me a call. Or e-mail. Or aim!

Going to Cedar Point (one of the best parks on the planet) yesterday was one of the best, fun times I ever had. Despite Alex\’s repeated statements of you-weird-me-out, I did actually meet up with several friends that I met online, namely Naim, his gf Allie, and Paul. And they all had good knowledge of the park (especially Paul who goes to CP very often), so we were able to find the fastest routes to rides, quickest lines, and the best seats. Right now, all I can say is that I have never had more than four hours of thrill straight in a row and have never felt so dizzy/nauseous afterwards. Also, I can say that…I love planning too much even though there are many frustrations from coordination…but hey!

I rode at least 7 roller coasters plus 3 incredible thrill rides. Out of them though, my favorites were Millennium Force (a roller coaster that goes 310 feet in the air and at least 92 mph), Top Thrill Dragster (the ride that I heard about on a tv show a few years ago in California before I knew I was going to cmu and made me want to visit!) and maXair (a spinning swinging omgsoitwassomuchfun ride).

Including going to a Pirates vs. Dodgers game Saturday (standing room only for the 10 of us) with a dorky fireworks show and the farewell party on Friday (with my professors playing ddr), I\’ll just say that I won\’t forget it.

My housemate Sam (who is in California currently doing an internship) recently told me he was offered a job from EA. One of those dream jobs that little boys dream of as a game designer. He has to make a decision of whether he should return to Pittsburgh to finish his degree or stay out in California to start a new job, a new life. In both cases, he\’s losing something. He won\’t be guaranteed a job at EA if he returns to CMU and could be completely jobless. Of course, if he went to California, he would lose the opportunity for better jobs and lose a chance for a better education. And of course, he wouldn\’t be close to his girlfriend and his family located in New York.

It\’s decisions like these that make me wonder what I really want to do in life. I love HCI. Pretty much all of it. Working in teams to produce something that could better someone\’s life almost stealthy. Yet, sometimes I wonder if that\’s enough. I want to be someone who can create something that really touches people\’s emotions. I want to help people think differently and understand things. A writer. A screenwriter. An artist. Every time I attend a concert, I have this slight envy overcome me. I want to be the one on stage that can make people believe in things they never believed, feel emotions that they don\’t normally feel. That kind of power attracts me.

Writing comes naturally to me (as well as all my deep thinking). And I wonder who I would be today if it wasn\’t for that.

Someone asked out loud last week, \”Is a goodbye harder for the people left behind or the people who are leaving?\”

Last year, around this time, I had so much difficulty leaving a place that I had grown with for four years. I thought I had made some of the long-lasting friends. I even changed my ticket to Pittsburgh to be delayed for three days. Yet three months later, it turned out be a facade. They forgot. They filled the void with other things. But I missed them so much and when I did come back, it wasn\’t like how it used to be. I felt like a stranger and…so unwelcomed. It wasn\’t where I belonged.

But I can\’t help visit Berkeley next week. I miss having a feeling that a brand new day could have so much opportunity. It was the diversity. The unpredictability that drew me.

And in Pittsburgh. It\’s the people. I found myself bonding with so many people this past year. For the longest time, I have always retreated myself to an outsider loner status. But I am not that anymore. What I am…is that I am someone. People who are finishing up the one year program are leaving. Most are heading to California. The Bay Area, where I will most likely see them again in the near future. But there are a few that are heading to Korea, to New Jersey, to Boston, to New York. Last weekend, Greg stopped by to drop a futon and a chair. There was an awkward moment that we exchanged goodbyes and a haveagreatlife moment. We didn\’t know what to say since we never really knew each other well. And I simply returned to the cliched statement of \”good luck\”.

This time around, I am the one left behind. Today was the last day of the project. All of us are relieved and exhausted. Yet, in a few weeks I will go to campus, not being able to see the same people. I will attend parties with different people. I will have different conversations. But change is always good. Because I believe that things always get better.

In other news, it was Lele\’s b-day last week! :D Exiting the terrible twos!

I spent the last three days obsessing over a demo video I created and strangely enough, it woke up that creative side of me. I completely lost myself in creating something that expressed something, something emotional. Ever since I could use my parents\’ videocamcorder, I had been fascinated with making films. Of course, I never really pursued it throughly. I made short videos of my sister and my dolls. And the stories we concocted with them. Stop-motion and full action. Yet, when I got older, I realized I didn\’t have that creative edge and dropped the dream in place of something that I was truly skillful at–technical skills.

Right now, I am almost done with my masters. Yet, I sometimes question if I really took the right path. I do enjoy what I am doing. Yet it seems like there is something missing. I want to write. I want to create. Most of all, I want to create something that moves people. Something that wakens up a small spark in them to make them learn something, think in new ways, and feel something that they have forgotten. With HCI, I can lessen their frustrations and make their life simpler. It\’s helping the world, but to me, that\’s not enough.

We say that because we love you.

Parents often use that line to guilt trip their children irritated by nagging. So where is the line between love and pure irritation?

They say they do it because they care. That they want to teach us something. And why can\’t we use the same line on friends? Why can\’t we use it when we know we\’re being annoying? Why can\’t I say it when out of anxiety, I repeatedly remind one of my teammates to remember to press the mute button during the presentation?

I know I am simplifying it. Yet why did my mom call me today just to ask me if I was going to check in any luggage for my flight home Monday so that she can figure out when she can pick me up? That\’s five days away. Is it because she cares? Or is it because she is worried? Clearly, it\’s the latter.

My 26 things from sh1ft.org is finally done! I finally finished late yesterday night. For those who don\’t know, you\’re given 26 words at the beginning of the month and the goal is to take 26 pictures that represent each word. I did my first 26 things in May 2003 and haven\’t had the chance to do it since.

It\’s a chance to capture the things we forget to notice.

One day, I woke up and discovered that I act like my mom and my dad.

But it wasn\’t a nightmare.