Makeup. I never was fond of the idea. Currently, I own only lip balm and was satisfied with it. But then my friends threw a cocktail party (as a farewell to me and others as well as my b-day) and I felt obligated to dress up. So Elena offered to help out.

Makeup: 1
Jenn: 0

Sometimes I wish I was male so there isn\’t this expectation. Most of my friends are surprised to learn a lot of what I don\’t do. Makeup being one of them. I have always found it rather deceiving. Without it, people ask why you look so tired. Of course, in social situations, with makeup, you\’re suddenly treated differently. It\’s a deception mechanism. We are all innately superficial.

When I first arrived at the party makeupless, Elena grabbed me and we rushed upstairs and she spent 30 minutes putting makeup on me. A combination of her foundation (and her skin is lighter!), eyeliner, lipstick, lipliner, light eyeshadow, mascara, blush. And not in that order. That eyelash curler thing scared me. This is all meant to be easy and look natural, but I never felt incredibly comfortable in it. Fortunately it was dark and it was…as I say an awesome party!

Jonathan Borofsky\’s Walking to the Sky was installed on campus recently, right in the middle of the CMU campus on the Cut. This is an installation with figures of people \”walking\” 100 feet into the sky, tilted at a 75 degree angle. The piece was originally in New York City and was donated to CMU recently by an anonymous donor. Borofsky, a CMU alum, bases this piece on a story that his father used to tell him about giants in the sky. Furthermore, this Sunday, he will receive an honorary phd from CMU during commencement.

Controversy had circled around this installation earlier, saying that it took up space on campus. Of course, it does! Compared with the round snowman, the Kraus Campo, and random installations throughout campus…

It gives CMU a somewhat alternative flavor. CMU is known for its technical CS side, but not so much for art and design. I mean, where else can I walk through a building and come across a row of mirrors…then suddenly a chair at the very end of the hallway. Definitely not at Berkeley.

I am not naturally impulsive.

But last week, for the upcoming cocktail party (thrown in honor of those leaving Pittsburgh), I decided to head to Walnut to find a dress. I said to Sam, \”I am just taking a look.\”

Then I walked into a local Pittsburgh boutique at the end of the street. About 45 minutes later, 15+ dresses, and a very nice, pushy saleslady, I found myself handing over my American Express card to pay $120 for a nice dress. Mind you, it was actually the cheapest dress. My favorite one was $450, but I realized I could never justify a purchase like that to myself.

I think I\’ll like this dress enough to wear it often. A birthday present to myself, right? I love the skirt, the way it swishes. All I need is a shawl and the music to make me dance.

Working in a startup environment vs. working in a larger corporation? Benefits? Downsides?

This morning, I woke up in a panic that I wouldn\’t be able to sell my furniture. My desk. And a bed that falls apart if you jump too much.

I freaked out. So the only thing I could do to ease my stress was take care of it.

So I promptly went on craigslist, spent almost two hours getting photos together and a compelling description. And now almost 8 hours later, I got buyers. But this also means I have no place to sleep. No place to put my clothes. No place to do work. No place for my books. No place for my junk. No place for my computers.

But hey that\’s how I moved into this place. Sleeping on the ground, surrounded by boxes full of junk. WOO!

Putting the God back into god games.

I seriously thought people would not laugh at it.

Today at 4:05 pm at the PTC, I completed my last project/assignment of school. A presentation for my game design class. The end of school is nearing. My masters degree will soon be in my hands. This Sunday.

Surprisingly, I don\’t feel relieved. More so, I feel somewhat wistful, sad, nostalgic. I enjoy school for its lack of responsibility. I enjoy it because I can be as conceptual as I want to be. No financial constraints on ideas. And sleeping late…and vending machines…and those subjective grading methods. I\’ll miss that.

Don\’t say you don\’t have enough time.
You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.

– H. Jackson Brown (author of Life\’s Little Instructions Book)

Carpe diem.

Variations on the theme: Life is too short. You only live once.

I used to have that as my motto–something I put in my profile. Until I realized I didn\’t live by it. It took me a few years until I really figured out what it meant.

But to live with wisdom. To live without anxiety. To live without worry. To live for the moment. But with careful inventory.

It\’s so interesting sometimes to hear that people believe what I write defines who I am. Through writing–and I mean the personal writing of blogging, journaling…is that where we show our true selves?

I write to express my thoughts. Yet, I don\’t write to say everything I think. It\’s narrow, this blog. It only captures those short bursts of my daily thoughts. And it interests me how there are some who can base my entire personality, my entire character based on these words.

And yet, that\’s how we naturally are. It\’s our instinctive nature. When we hear words, we believe it means something. We see a movie, we fall in love with the star. Not only because of how the star looks, but the words, the context. We believe those words mean something, that they define the character. And when we read a book, we believe the author is one great person, a reflection of his words. We believe we know them through these words.

However, in reality, that\’s not always the case. I am not \”angrily independent\”. I am not \”sincere\”. I am not \”hostile\”. I am not \”honest and down to earth\”. Words pigeon-hole people. They do in fact reveal partial character, but that\’s only seeing a single pine needle in an entire forrest. But in the end, language for its such ambiguous nature is our only pathway of communication and we can\’t avoid judging based on words.