Today was my first day of orientation. I admit it was so different from CalSo as an undergrad at Berkeley. No bright-eyed freshmen who was away from home for the first time. Yet I was almost disappointed that people weren\’t that immature. I guess I shouldn\’t feel that way. I am pretty sure some people from the program will find the existence of this blog since I am currently third in google for \”cmu mhci blog\”, but we\’ll see.

What surprised me was that half of the people in the program are originally from the west coast. Two people are from Hong Kong. And what\’s more is that half of the program…almost half of all the people…are asian. All my housemates now are coincidentially asian. I thought Pittsburgh would be predominantly Caucasian, a return to how Lafayette is like. I guess that\’s what happens in graduate programs. :) I am also very happy that the majority of my housemates have a MAC. And a lot of people in the program use a MAC. I am not alone. Although I am sure nobody has a dented powerbook like mine. I think I did see someone with a cracked screen. Ouch. :(

Anyway, I am now sitting on the floor of my room. It looks like a tornado ran through here. I slept on the ground yesterday. I also used the yellow plastic crates as a pseudo desk and shelves. There\’s a girl in my program who is selling a twin bed, but I don\’t have a car. I am going to die. It\’s $49 to deliver furniture from Ikea to this house in Pittsburgh. So much to do. I think I left my PNC debit card in California. Whoops.

It feels so strange to be in a city where I don\’t know anyone (that well). And strange that I don\’t know the bus routes. I don\’t know where everything is located. I am not sure how to get to the closest Best Buy. And especially living in a city where the word Fry\’s does not exist… :(

Right now, it\’s 11 pm and I am sitting in a computing cluster ON CAMPUS, writing from my laptop. I had taken a $50 taxifare (including tip) to the house. Dragged three pieces of luggage (50 pounds each), a desktop and my backpack from the West Coast. Then a professor that my neighbor\’s friend knew deliver two boxes. This is supposed to be a new beginning for me, but when is it going to start?

I always wanted to start a blog entry with the word \”And in a drunken stupor…\”, but we all know that won\’t happen. Instead, I woke up today at 5 am in a dead state. I had indulged in staying up late and only got only 3 hours of sleep. As I ran around my room trying to find anything I wanted to bring, I realized…that I won\’t be home for more than 4 months.

During welcome week in Berkeley, I only showed up during move-in day to drop off my stuff and claim a bed. I immediately went home after the hall ass meeting, thinking that it was unneeded. Maybe that was one of my regrets. As a result the following four years, I almost went home every weekend. My reasons always ranged from \”nothing to do in Berkeley\” or \”better sleep at home\”. But that made me take my parents and home for granted. My apartments in Berkeley were always half-moved in. Everything that I needed to \”live\” was at both places. And so now, I have 3 boxes (50+ pounds each – yes I brought my dell speakers), one desktop computer, my backpack, and two boxes I had brought earlier to Pittsburgh. All this…to start anew on the opposite coast. I am attending the entire orientation week, starting this Monday. And I want to do CMU right, with no regrets. Learn the best as I can, do the well as I can…and finally experience life to the fullest. We\’ll see what I will be saying in 2 years though., because I am sure 4 years ago I was saying \”this sucks, i wanna go home\”.

How to spend your last few days in California? With no regrets. But I have no professional training!

ADDED when I finally get home:

I am leaving tomorrow morning at 8:10 am. And I think it\’s a good thing that I delayed my flight for about 3 days, because I wouldn\’t have gotten the closure that I wanted. I am not sure where all my non-rescomp friends went or whether I have been resCULTed, but suddenly yesterday during the all rescomp training, I felt this lump in my throat. The manager was talking about upcoming events, all the incoming freshmen for move-in day, how the RCCs would be working like mad to get everyone connected, and the incomplete computing center servers. But I wouldn\’t be part of it at all…

In the past 4 years, I have done so many goodbyes. I take my friends to the airport, sometimes unsure whether I\’ll ever see him or her again. Mostly because the friendship changes so much by the time either of us has a chance to fly out. I remember saying goodbye to Naim at the Oakland airport almost 2 years ago to the day, thinking that he would return some day. It was a sad moment then, an optimistic i-will-see-you-again grins, the last photos, the \”fake\” tears, and the UNITED tags. And then 6 months later, our whole relationship shifted…neither of us especially me wanted to see each other. That\’s almost what I am afraid of…going to SFO tomorrow. Not that I won\’t return to the Bay Area, but relationships with people in Berkeley shift so fast. But in the end, it\’s all up to us to maintain if we so desire.

Do you have the closing time syndrome? Do you see everything better when it\’s close to closing time? And for me, do you excuse my annoying habits because I am leaving soon? :)

It bothers me that Asian families aren\’t forward with their thoughts and emotions. If you want something, if you miss someone, then say it. Don\’t keep it inside and express it through jealous rages.

Nonetheless, maybe I did lack some compassion tonight when my mom called and demanded that I come home…right away. It was 11:30 pm and I had planned to stay around to see friends. And there\’s the kicker: friends come and go, but family is forever. Personally, I never believed in blood relations, the obligations that come from such. I believe that people should choose who they want to spend their time and life with. Blood relations only entail obligations and some unquestionable unconditional \”love\”. This was the summer where I was supposed to teach myself that friends can really stay around. And most of all, that I could forgive them and that they weren\’t objects to be tossed.

Karen convinced me that my mom perhaps was trying to get me home because she missed me. But what happened to being 22 years old and making decisions for myself. And how did grounding as a threat come into play? (note: my parents never grounded me because usually when they got upset, they forgot about their anger the following day.) And why is this happening a few days right before I leave for the East Coast? *cough* I am not irresponsible. I am not immature. I am the oldest in my family and I went to a college that was 12 miles away from home. Is she experiencing the empty nest syndrome? Because I had nothing to do earlier in the summer, I spent almost every evening with my parents, going to Costco, eating dinner, and other misc errands. I was always around. Then July and August came, and I did that much less. Ultimately, it\’s all about my priorities. Who do I want to spend time with at this very moment?

I did my first overnighter for a non-school thing. And with this, I get my parents\’ (namely my mom\’s) unnecessary concern. I get calls from my mom throughout the day admonishing me for delaying my flight and how I didn\’t go home. One of the first things she is concerned about…is that I don\’t have a toothbrush. Then how I don\’t have contact lens solution. And how I haven\’t showered for more than 24 hours. And have no change of clothes.

Good thing my parents never really knew about my overnighters in Soda Hall and the like.

My dad just wants to make sure I am happy but my mom is also pragmatic. Maybe I am not as family-oriented as I should be, but I resented the fact that I had to cancel dinner with my friend to have dinner with my grandparents, et al. My aunt (who I learned the existence of 8 years ago) had spontaneously showed up in the Bay Area. I always feel foolish when I go these dinners, because I sit at the table struggling with a language barrier. Even moreso, my aunt has difficulty with hearing so despite her understanding English, I have to shout to be heard. Yet, it\’s all in the presence that makes a family. The act of ordering expensive shark fin\’s soup just because someone special is in town. And the surprise order of the 1 liter apple cider for $1. Is that what makes a family?

Um yeah. I just changed my departure flight from tomorrow evening to Sunday morning. That\’s like 3 more days! And that\’s also an additional $126 I am paying…

But I sense, to really leave a place, it\’s all worth it.

I think I can fake my energy really well when I am tired. Hippy joy joy joy joy!!! Maybe it\’s also because I am playing eurodance music and jumping around the entire room. And swinging back and forth on the chairs.

It\’s my second to last day in Berkeley. :(

So today, the alarm went off in the storage room. I took responsibility. And a policewoman took down my id. She said over her radio, \”Accidental alarm setoff. Person responsible. First name [insert full name], common spelling. Last name Ng, spelled as N-G. Twenty two years old. Asian. Female.\”

Almost arrested!!! But not. :(

Is it just me or am I getting along with so many people just because there is so little time left? Is it that syndrome of closing time when everyone/everything looks so much better (and cooler) than they do in normal daylight?

Anyway in other news, I realized that I have to clean up my buddy list to make way for new cmu people I am going meet next week. Maybe I should clean up my security group (people who I stalk online, but never im). WHO WANTS TO BE DELETED?!

The traumas and tribulations of living at home. And just for the summer!!! My mom got home from work and saw that I had a huge pile of STUFF in my sister\’s room. STUFF that I intended to pack, but was just sitting in a huge pile. She had a fit. Not to mention, both of my parents have been on my case about getting home really late at night. About 1 am or later for the last week. Considering how when I was in high school, I was antisocial and went home straight from x-country practice or peer tutoring…yeah. Note, the garage and my bedroom are on the other side of the house. However, the shower (I MUST TAKE A NIGHTLY SHOWER BEFORE I SLEEP or I feel all unclean and can\’t sleep as well as I would) is in my parents\’ \”suite\”. I can\’t use the one that\’s near my room for \”cleaning\” purposes. Sigh. I am leaving in 4 days though…

But my going away party pictures! A big thank you to everyone who came! Especially those who were able to find the place themselves. :) And a slap on the wrist for those people who could make it but flaked because they were too intimidated by the fact that they didn\’t know anyone. And a bigger smack for those who WENT to another party instead of mine! *cough* And now for the LIST of events (guilt trip for people who missed out):

So if someone passes out or falls asleep at your party, are you obligated to take advantage of the situation (draw something on the forehead, dribble shaving cream all over…)?

I think I missed my opportunity. :(

But anyway, in other news, I ditched my own farewell party for over 2 hours just to visit a testerone-fest of doom 3, et al. for Rescomp aka gamenight. I did return later to my own to clean up and didn\’t leave until 4 am. Usually I do one of these things (invite everyone I know to one place at one time) every other year. I always find it odd that it\’s almost a new batch of people every time…