Is it because I didn\’t have enough sleep or I think that I didn\’t have enough sleep…that I am so TIRED today.

I just saw a really gross picture. It wasn\’t as gross as the ones where people had piercings in the most awful places. I don\’t know why, but I am feeling nauseous (again) and shaken up.

It was only a picture some fruit thing imposed on a picture of some body part. The imagery of its implication is preventing me from sleeping. Sigh.

A few weeks ago, I applied to three research projects, thinking that I would get rejected by all of them. So I had e-mailed a graduate student and he accepted me to be his research assistant. AND THEN, in the last week, I received three e-mails – one rejection and two interview offers. MMMPH. I am more interested in working with the graduate student, but working with a professor looks so much better on the application and resume. It bothers me that I won\’t be able to participate in the electronic version of twister which is one of the research projects. Um, if there can be an electronic version fo twister.

And now, a picture! :D Thanks yo lady!

I just wanted to let everybody know that I am eating a pizza I bought four days ago, which I didn\’t put in the fridge but left it on the ground of my apartment wrapped up in a credit card advertisement torn off the wall of 182 Dwinelle.

EDIT: I only ate half because it was a stiff.

EDIT (about 4 hours later): I am feeling very nauseous. I am not sure if it\’s from my homework or from the pizza. But I feel like I might just puke all over my keyboard this very second. Um. Yeah.

People say I type really loud. :D

When I first entered UC Berkeley, I had intended to major in computer science. I don\’t remember exactly why…but mostly because I didn\’t want to be a stereotypical girl. I wanted to be an engineer of some sort, because I had a fondness for math. Yet I started to dislike math after a horrible two semesters in linear algebra and discrete math. Then my first few computer science courses…they were interesting, but I just didn\’t get most of the concepts. Despite me being only average in the major, I applied anyway (all L&S undergraduates enter berkeley undeclared and must apply to a major. computer science is capped meaning only 3.5+ gpa students could get in). \’Twas rejected.

But that didn\’t stop me and I had intended to go for the computer science minor. And here I am in my fourth year in Artificial Intelligence and I am nearly gagging on all the code. It\’s kind of sad to realize that my four year excursion to computer science is ending. I am not someone built for cs…I only do it when I feel like it. I don\’t like the complexity of it all. I only like the human-oriented aspect…how to build things for computers.

Okay, back to the homework that is due in two days. :p

I am huge multitasker. In the morning, you might see me combing my hair while brushing my teeth. Or eating while I dress. And of course, phone and AIM. :) Anybody displeased about the latter?

I actually did some community service today! Volunteered at the Alameda County Food Bank. This was where I had gone for my required community service hours in high school as well as the community service \”punishment\” my first year of college.

Despite the fact that I only put labels (mechanically) on unlabeled Del Monte peach cans…it was still fun. The previous times, I had done canned food sorts which held my interest because people always donated the weirdest things to food drives – feminine sanitary napkins, beer, a 1980 year old can of food (tsk tsk!), and a half used jar of peanut butter.

I also met Xing\’s friend…who she unwittingly met on Friendster. Awwwww!!!

Oh how much do I love SAL……………..monella.

I am not sure if it is to the day. But it has been 10 years since I experienced one of the most traumatic events of my life. It was the event that one could say was a turning point..or a down point. The one that encouraged the development of my social anxiety and my distaste of superficiality. I wish I could joke and say that it was something dumb like the day I learned how to pronouce lingerie (that was in 7th grade btw). But it wasn\’t…and I probably have repeated it several times before, \’twas the heather incident.

I remember after it happened…I always wondered whether I would have a chance at being \”normal\”. And because I had determined that I couldn\’t, I adopted the motto of Don\’t be normal; be different. And as a result of that incident, I rarely wear outlandish clothes. Or bright colors. And I wince if someone makes a comment about my clothes…always on the edge of fear that I am not wearing something normal. Yet, I shouldn\’t always blame things that happen now on things that happened a decade ago. If it wasn\’t for Heather, would I have more confidence than I have now? Or would it not have made a difference at all? If I had succeeded, would I have always stayed vengeful?

But I still go out…with uncombed, unbrushed hair.