everyone deserves a second chance, right?

maybe this is the end. the end of the beginning.

I looked back on the first few entries I had on my blog (there was an accident earlier this year that deleted several months, but I had a backup of the first 6 months)…and realized how I was more carefree then. I used the word lol (WHICH I NEVER USE ANYMORE, because it\’s too fake…and a space-filler) and how I used to post random web tests. It seems that I am more \”angry\” (ANGRY ASIAN GIRL RIGHT HERE!) now and not as \”happy\” as I was before. TEMPER TEMPER DEAR JENN.

I am anticipating the opening of enemyster.com. Now if I can get a beta code. By just saying those two sentences, I will get automatic hits. :D Hi there!

How like…so inconsiderate. My mom took the peach tart (that i had really liked) that aaron\’s friend made for the party last Saturday and gave it to somebody. WITHOUT TELLING ME. So apparently, the pie tin is gone too. GONE!, she said as she flung her hands up in the air.

My mom didn\’t even apologize, but then we never apologize in this family. Never.

For some reason, I am not liking living at home. My mom asks me every night whether I am going to be home for dinner. Wouldn\’t it be easier to just say that I am not? Because every evening, the dinner is something I dislike. I eat all the parts I like…then try to swallow (without puking) the rest. My distaste of the entire meal throws away any appetite I have.

I think I should have people sign a contract once they decide that they must get to know me.

The project at my internship is unfinished. It was supposed to be finished by this Friday, when the internship was supposed to end (two months). But apparently because of corporate fuss, CEO stubornness, and the discovery that we had to learn everything on our own pushed the project back and back.

The CEO asked us to stay an extra two weeks so that the project would be finished. Now I am feeling bad that I am not, because I had orchestrated my summer so that I could fit in everything I wanted to do. After finals ended, I went to San Diego to visit my sister. Then I had three days of doing nothing at home. Then I started my internship on that following Monday in June. Then it (supposedly) ends this Friday. The day after I return, I start work in Berkeley. Then I work that for full-time for two weeks. Then I start class. No time!

—

I would just to mention how I don\’t fall easily for traps. Gullible? Me? I am just going to whine right now. whine whine whine. (How ironic, it makes me want to change my layout too.)

So I wonder if this is evidence that I don\’t get along with my friends\’ boyfriends. Wait, but i like him. :D

Come on, tell me how idiotic this conversation is (took out irrelevant parts):
him (who i thought was her until he identified himself): i like boys
me: boys?! [At this point, i was thinking…big news, why is she telling me this.]
him: men
him: did i tell you about my 3rd nipple?
me: 3rd nipple?! [at this point, I think she\’s just trying to toy with me. I go off on another direction of topic. Thinking she\’s referring to a pimple or something. I decide that I should just play along…]
…
him: its on my back
me: ! [right.]
me: what kind of nipple?
me: is it…..NORMAL? [I thought she was referring to a skin problem. Some kind of scar caused by surgery that accidentally looks like a nipple. I was going to enter the territory of joking whether someone dared sucked it. But of course…]
him: its a skin thing
him: btw
me: ooh
him: this is ____
him: and your gullibale
me: you don\’t know me that well [Now I am pissed off. I noticed something was wrong before, because she wasn\’t spelling right. The grammar was off and she didn\’t usually type short sentences. And it boiled my blood even further when he used the word your]
me: is ___ watching
him: ya
me: go ask her what she thinks i am thinking
him: \”she doesnt like you\”
me: actually [Now I am thinking, maybe…maybe…this is where I do the usual break off of all relationships. I don\’t need anybody. I don\’t need anyone. I don\’t care. I haven\’t seen her all summer except once. And yet I am not supposed to remember the times we had together…but I resort to my own ironic immaturity]
me: i don\’t like you either [mainly him. now I am remembering my first impression when i met him. yet ever since then, I have tried to be unbiased. sometimes people are different in private.]
me: thanks for telling me
him: your loss i suppose
me: what bull [I don\’t swear. Despite my desire, I had to say something. My loss huh. Now I just want to rip him apart.]
me: i knew something was wrong when the grammar went downhill
me: and apparently
me: i appreciate you calling me gullible
me: try it again please
him: your no fun when your being bitchy and condicending [GOOD GOD, CAN HE SPELL? CAN HE PLEASE USE THE CORRECT FORM OF YOU ARE?!?!?!]
him: or at least trying to be
me: why? [actually at this point, I am infuriated, but at the same time, I am happy that I got labeled those adjectives. sniff thank you.]
me: am i supposed to be fun or something?
me: i am not here to amuse you
me: choose someone else
him: fine imve lost all intrest [whatever that sentence was supposed to mean]
me: so tell me, the story of the \”third nipple\” was that funny [i would like to know if he got a kick out of seeing me \”gullible\”, which i wasn\’t.]
him: happy?
me: very happy [the shrink inside my head says that I shouldn\’t throw away people…just yet, but we\’ll see]

TWENTY SIX DAYS until i start class
THIRTEEN DAYS until i start work for rescomp @ berkeley
FOUR DAYS until i leave for minny soda
THREE DAYS until my internship is over!

If there can be anything good to come out of the blogathon for me this year, I have met a very nice gay boy. Sniff, it\’s such a rarity nowadays. Now compounded with his bashings of religion and major dislike of parents…oh I\’ll just say I have made a new friend!

If I was crazy enough, I would try to hook him up with Miiiikkkee (WHO NEVER READS THIS BLOG BECAUSE HE IS A LJ WHORE), but we all know how bad things happen during a hook-up scene. (Speaking of which, Fiona told me today that the MAIN GUY found me cute and funny. um.)

At the same time though, all this…reminds me of high school. Anytime I meet someone from high school, I am almost consumed with jealousy. Regrets? Not exactly. To this day, I have always thought that if I went back in time and lived my high school days…I don\’t know if I could have done anything differently. I was so trapped in a desire to be accepted ever since I moved to Lafayette that I had dug my own grave. The summer before my high school senior I remember thinking This year is going to be different. I am going to be somebody. It\’s going to be different. But it was the same. I nearly suffocated myself from a desire to socialize. Four years later, I am only thinking it can only get better.

OH AND I FIXED MY PHOTO ALBUM for those who are starving to comment on my superficiality.

I can\’t believe that I agreed to have a quote in THIS press release. go spam that dating site. spam!

I told my parents about the incident I had in the bar Friday night. My dad was very amused. I tend proceeded to ask him what was the most interesting experience he had in the last two years. He said that it was making my mother cry. My mother agreed vice versa. Her most interesting experience in the last two years was when she tried to make my father cry.

My dad said that I inherited my meanness from my grandmother (my mother\’s mother). awwww…sniff!!!

Ben of madcool.com made me join his OH SO COOL dating site. After my experience on emode (being contacted by someone I vaguely knew at work and hearing my coworkers made fun of him that I literally started ROFLing), I had vowed never to be part of any dating site again. So thus, on cupidcontact.com, I opted to make the most TURN-OFF profile ever. I was the first profile (besides the owner) on the site. Feel free to join. And yes, just for my friend, let me know of any improvements that he could do. So far, I really think he should make the site gay-friendly for Mikkkke. ;)

Alas, how did that happen. Rekutyn of oldcameltoe.com (the site that I sponsored for the blogathon) somehow got disqualified.

And I wrote the following request to them:
I am a sponsor for oldcameltoe.com and believe that he was wrongfully disqualified. Although it does seem like he violated the rules for automatic posting (he said that he did not)…I belive that it\’s more that the blogathon should be focused on raising the money rather than people who unwittingly bended the rules. Because of server problems, he was not able to receive the e-mail until after the 30 minute deadline.

Jennifer

Hope that catches their eye. It would be so disappointing to see such an effort be wasted. sad.

Well it was sort of disappointing to me…really. The guy I am sponsoring for the blogathon…is losing steam. COMMENT HIM! encouragement (although I bet it\’s too late already). Sorry I didn\’t keep tabs.

Anyway, so unlike yesterday, I had a good day today. No evil side of me emerged although I am sure…I had moments that the evil side of me wanted to leap out and just murder people on site. Oh I am so sadistic.

Tram had her BBQ. And this time, there was no pseudo-drama. Although unfortunately Tram\’s friend got in a car accident along the way. Nobody was hurt, but one of the cars involved was very damaged. The SUV was completely undamaged. Reminder to those out there: THAT DOES NOT MEAN A SUV IS SAFE. It only means that the SUV doesn\’t absorb the impact, but will transfer the impact to the passengers. BAM! I was surprised that Mae showed. And VERY NOT SURPRISED THAT HIEN DIDN\’T MAKE IT.

Sometimes, I am really troubled by how much my social anxiety intrudes on my socializing. I really do like being around people. But around certain people, I am suddenly SHUT OFF. I don\’t talk like I do elsewhere…and I dislike that part about myself. It\’s like JENN STOP BEING SOCIALLY ANXIOUS, but I start worrying…and I end up saying nothing at all.

Shinelun and his gf didn\’t show today to Aaron\’s party. I would just like to mention that. AHEM. I had fun watching Sex and the City. I wish my life was like that…actually I don\’t.

Remind me again why I don\’t like bars.

Fiona, from my internship, a few days ago randomly asked me if I wanted to meet guys. She said that they had cars, had jobs and had a lot of money. I was appalled at first (I don\’t stoop to superficiality), but I reluctantly seceded to her request. Why not? I had declared my desire of singledom to her…awhile ago…so what have I got to lose?

Apparently a lot. (That\’s an exaggeration of course.)

I got to San Francisco around 10:05 pm, because the guys couldn\’t get out until 10:30 pm. Fiona and her boyfriend (who turned out to be someone else at the internship) drove me to this bar called Would you believe? on Geary. At this point, I would like to know why she didn\’t heed my request of having NO ALCOHOL. So I got there. Got a virgin drink called Nothing. It didn\’t taste that great, but having something in my hand while I fidgeted helped me. Eventually the guys arrived. One was…I suppose…fit my ideal of a guy. Yet the other was the one who talked the most. After we made some good small talk, I mentioned how I didn\’t really drink when they asked me what I was holding. And then I had to mention my age. 21. After that, they treated me like I was a kid. Too young for them. Too inexperienced. And they made jokes about how I was probably naive and knew nothing about the world. They were 26. This is where everything started going downhill.

They played Deuces and I didn\’t know what the game was until we started playing. I knew how to play. Yet one of the guys took my hand and started playing for me. Not including me at all. He lost, of course.

Somehow, someone came up with a great idea of playing drinking games when evidently I don\’t drink. I didn\’t want to be a spoilsport, so I encouraged them to play without me while I watched. After all, it\’s no fun playing drinking games if not everybody is drinking. But yet they persisted saying that I could use my virgin drink as a replacement. I just didn\’t want to do it anymore.

Funny thing was…when they convinced me to play, I won every game. Luck was on my side. Yet, I didn\’t find the games interesting at all. I had a sudden urge to bolt from the bar. And just walk again in San Francisco alone in the dark. But I stayed.

Eventually, games were over and the guy had the nerve to ask me what was the most interesting thing that occured to me in the last two years. Last straw. I politely said that it wasn\’t a good idea for me to tell him. And he pleaded. He begged. And he was so asking for it. Eventually, I said, It was when I dumped my last boyfriend. Actually it was when I ruined a guy\’s life. I played mind games. I made him cry that he would go into a corner and sulk all day. That was the most interesting experience I have had the last two years.

My sister suggested that I should have said This definitely isn\’t in the top ten. :D

I don\’t think I will see them again. :)