For the last few months, I have noticed that the most common hit from Google for this blog is “jenn”. At first, I wondered why people would be searching just for that name going through so many sites to get to my blog.

Then today, I went to Google and searched for “jenn”. of.jennism comes up as number 8. Scary or simply wonderful?

I have never liked making promises I cannot keep. And it’s that time of the year again. A time to make resolutions that people often forget within a moment’s time.

And isn’t the biggest resolution always: lose weight

How cliched. To lose that 20. That 50. To be more happier? To be more healthy? There’s so many of us who wish to be thinner and slender because media tells us we should be. We spot that new commercial–we see the thin people happy and we see that they are having a great time with their new insurance. Our pursuit of happiness is defined by what others define as happiness. I don’t deny that I am caught in the same pattern.

And then there’s the thought of eating less. Eat nothing for a whole day. Then indulge yourself the next. Then a gym? No running because that will cause thick thighs. Perhaps sit ups. 10 should do, right? And then a month later, it’s forgotten. Myths and hopes.

But isn’t every day a progression in self-improvement? I have looked in the photos of myself in the last few years. When my sister’s high school reunion rolled around, you couldn’t help but think who gained weight? (she did notice her high school bully grew twice the size). You just didn’t want to be the one with that label. I am willing to admit that I wasn’t perfect.

So a few days ago when I heard “lose weight” as a new year’s resolution, I said almost immediately “but you’re not…” I realized how easily I overlook these things. What is the point of a resolution if you’re not happy with yourself first?

Last year, I mentally told myself to be less self-centered and more considerate of others. Still working on that.

But a line to describe my 2006: in every gray cloud, there is a silver lining.

“So…which boyfriend are you?” a friend asked the guy standing next to me.

Embarrassed, my face was as pink as the rosé champagne I brought to the holiday party earlier in the month, sitting on the counter nearby.

Couches are one of the few places where the boundaries are nearly infinite. You can define the boundaries through when the cushions end, but if not? You can show affinity for someone, but slowly inching over. Touching, but not really touching. Intentionally and unintentionally. You can choose to move over, indicating the definite space between parties. How many furniture pieces can do that?

Thanks to work, I have an access to an evdo card. A card that allows me to have broadband wireless anywhere. And simply put, it’s fantastic.

Purely because at my parents’ house, broadband internet does not exist. Dialup internet still reigns large out here in the suburbs of San Francisco. And the sweetness of being using the laptop anywhere is something I need to remind myself not to take for granted.

After all, I am no longer in Carnegie Mellon University. Not in Pittsburgh.

And definitely not near any San Francisco 2.0 cafe.

Update 12/15/2007:

Welcome GigaOm readers!

It’s one year later and since those 3 days at my parents’ house, I have not used evdo. I did enjoy the convenience of having broadband without being attached to the wall. But I don’t know anyone who has an evdo that isn’t supported by their company. I still have yet got one for personal use. An xmas present for myself? Unlikely.

Friendly hint: Writers might want to check their sources.

xoxo,

A dedicated GigaOm reader

My sister went to her 5 year high school reunion a few days ago. Before going, she was filled with anxiety, reminded about the people, the incidents that occurred to her. But she went anyway. And when she came back, she reported it was the same scene–most people had not changed. The mean girls were still the mean girls. The outcasts were still the outcasts. And besides a few people gaining weight or change of hairstyle, it was painfully the same.

I never did hear about my 5 year, but perhaps I’ll hear about my 10 year. But I always imagined that I would return to show my accomplishments, my upward success. A self-validation of some sort–that high school could never predict my achievements. And yet, for what end? I don’t have a need to reconnect with people. I don’t have that high school crush that I need to get over. I just have a feeling to see how people have changed, if at all. And to prove that I am not just quiet, shy girl everyone thought I was.

In case you never knew where I was working or the people I work with…a short, simple greeting from my company. I have the credit for adding the text. They didn’t like the sponges and fake garlands I put around the border. Too tacky.

See? We look normal.

I am so used to people flaking that I have grown to always have a backup plan in every situation.

And sometimes it’s plan B that I want to happen, but obligations and promises come first.

How often are there days where something huge was cancelled or rescheduled…then suddenly you have a brand new day completely free? How often can you answer “I don’t know” with a smile when someone asks you “What are you doing today?”

How was life like during school when I would have 3 weeks of nothing to do? Did I really sleep every day? Did I really wake up at home, having absolutely nothing to do? Did I really enjoy and take advantage of every moment?