December 27 – Ordinary Joy
Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?
Every single time when I open my arms and there is no need for a vocal request. A hug beyond the simple obligatory ones. It’s a hello, goodbye, I’m sorry, I missed you, you cooked well, you are funny, you smell funny, you smell good…or just because.
December 26 – Soul Food
What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul?
This one is easy.
Food at Michael Mina for exactly $100 during my crazy food adventure in March.
Perfect portions. Incredible service. And my favorite company.
December 25 – Photo – a present to yourself
Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.
This is who I strive to be.
It was from the street food scavenger hunt, held in August. The resulting image was this.
Due to the nature of who was available, the camera was mounted to my car’s driver’s side window with tape and my mini tripod. It was set to take multiple photos at a time after a delay. It was taken in front of my garage with Chris and Toad as the hapless victims.
My intent was to create a short story of how a superhero heard a cry for help, took a bite of the tamale pie and ran to save the day. Of course, not before showing off a little bit.
I remember feeling hesitant coming out to the busy Valencia street in my getup, but the moment that I stepped out, I suddenly felt powerful. Most importantly, I knew that people could not recognize me. Although they sort of knew where I lived.
I was wearing my old swimsuit (all the way from high school), a cape for the Phantom of Opera costume, and my very expensive Italian handcrafted mask that I purchased impulsively.
It’s confidence that I seek to have. I just wish that I didn’t have to put on a mask to have it. Because the mask shouldn’t have to exist.
December 24 – Everything’s OK
What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?
There was a moment for my professional life, but I won’t get into that.
Rather there was this moment:
We were on different planes that night, attending a birthday party at a huge lounge with a DJ. I really wanted to get to know a new friend and meet new people, extent my professional career. He didn’t want to be there, not with the loud music, drunken people, and lack of any light. But it was expressed in the worst way possible by the both of us.
And so we had a discussion, not a productive one. I considered the reasons why…and the deeper ones. I was dropped off at my place as he went to find parking. And the whole time—I was plotting my next steps—the demise—perhaps it wasn’t meant to be, leaping to conclusions. Because I had my goals and he had his in social situations. They didn’t match.
But the moment? It wasn’t any of those moments. It was the moment he returned. Just like all the other moments that it was going to be ok. It was a silent, unrelenting hug while I spouted my frustrations and challenges. He wouldn’t let go.
And he wouldn’t cry. Or at least not in front of me. What I didn’t know was that night after he dropped me off, he started tearing up silently as he drove trying to find a space in the hard-to-park Mission. His eyes were red when the cops pulled him over at a DUI check. Rattled by our discussion, he couldn’t think clearly, but they eventually let him go.
And he returned. We haven’t had a discussion like that since.
Let’s meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?
When I was young, it was the name Rachel. There’s a reason why my sister calls me Ranch to this day. I stopped using that name when my youngest cousin was given that same name.
But now, if it’s a new name, it would need to have some of edge. To be slightly quirky. To be slightly masculine. Would it be Mitsuko—the crazed girl from Battle Royale. Or Andy…of my favorite name Andrea.
December 22 – Travel: How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?
In 2010:
In 2011:
Will it be…Peru? New York City. Perhaps Portland for the street food? For Seattle again for the sci-fi museum? Japan? I don’t know!
What was 2010 when it was supposed to be the beginning of a new era? In doing reverb10 (which I have found—are the questions not great or is it because there isn’t that much to say about 2010 for me?)
This was the first year where I was not met with change. There was no job change. Same bf. There was a new roommate. But otherwise it was all the same. I did play more games and dug deeper in my creativity. I did travel to Vietnam and Hong Kong primarily on my own. I met some new people. I mentored interns for the first time. But many of the things I did in 2010, I had done in the prior years in some form. I wonder why it terrifies me because it’s the first year that I wasn’t forced into change. A lot of it was by choice.
Yesterday at a party, I had a tarot reader read my hand. Interestingly, my takeaway was that she said…that I was the one who will bring change through creativity and by my decisiveness. I get to be in charge of my own fate now?
At least for the tax year of 2010, I don’t have to scrounge around for more than one W-2.
And so unlike the past years of 2005, 2006, 2007, and 2008, 2009, 2010 was solid and stationary. Predictable? Not quite, but it had its adventures, surprises, but it was a steady time.
2011? If the cards are played right, it may be the year. THE year when things will change. For better or worse.
December 21 – Future Self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)
Despite my tendency to plan, I rarely plan more than a year ahead. But I have expected that the me of the future will have gained experience that refutes what I say now. At least I hope so…that all decisions are made carefully considered.
But here it goes:
Dear Jenn of 5 years from now,
I realize that the word friend has always been a shaky, uncertain word. With trust, dependency and convenience. But now…and perhaps I will be disproven, there’s nothing to lose by making a new friend. You’ll never know what you may discover and learn. Be honest and shameless in finding new friends. Then remember always to show your appreciation. If you lie thinking whether you showed enough appreciation, you didn’t.
By this time, I hope that you are settled in something permanent than an apartment that is still in a “temporary” state. If you haven’t found something permanent, find it now. Whether it is the loved furniture or even a place in a community.
Marriage, highly influenced by living in San Francisco, should not be a decision by others. Nobody should tell you that it’s time to get married. Furthermore, it’s intended to be a cultural thing that represents an unbreakable bond. Show unbreakable bonds through other ways. And why marry…if society demands it? Marry only for practical reasons (e.g. insurance) rather than because someone told you to do so.
Also, remember to put nouns in sentences and not drop them.
Jenn
Jenn of 10 years,
Don’t forget how it was like to be young. Act like it.
Jenn
December 20 – Beyond Avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing?
It wasn’t just 2010. It was the same goal in 2009.
Back when I first saw Randy Pausch’s The Last Lecture, I told myself that I would achieve my childhood dream of writing. And I don’t just mean writing in this blog. My excuse for years has always been that I had writer’s block. That when I was 10 years old, suddenly my mind changed and the flow of creativity disappeared in a snap. Lighting.
Realistically, it was probably just my brain growing as my logical side took over. I excelled in logical things—solving problems. Math and science.
And yet, that creative side of me has been screaming all this time and I have been looking for a way to quell it.
2010 was supposed to be the year that I wrote something…and sent in a submission somewhere. The New York Times Modern Love column?
On my trip to Hong Kong and Vietnam last year, I started writing something in a large blank book that I got for that purpose. But I never finished. I started it—I looked at and as the plane rumbled on and on…I blamed headaches, nausea…
And I never returned to it.
2011. I’ll try this time. Especially since there are clear submission guidelines now. But yes, the topic first.
December 19 – Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?
If this was 2006—the year that changed everything, then I would have a better answer. Back then, it was hearts, bones, and lack of life.
But 2010?
I usually never win. It was the spirit of trying to succeed all these years…and finally winning at something that healed. It was a drip-by-drip evolution perhaps, but I realized that I still had the skill and ability. And that’s all that matters.