How much would you spend to see someone?

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To see someone for the last time, I would pay anything. I would sacrifice my job, my everything…

Last chances are hard to come by, but never miss the opportunity.

If I was stuck somewhere 500 miles from where I wanted to be, wouldn’t I drop $50…then maybe $100…then $150…then anything to be where I wanted to be? Especially if it meant the somewhere was where that someone was?

I often have a dream that the world is crumbling. And just like disaster movies, I am on the go, on the run, on the prowl. I am fighting the “monster” to reach the saved destination where the someone will be. Would I kill to be there? Would I do anything against my morals? I don’t know, but my first impulse is…I’ll do anything it takes.

One of a kind cat sweatshirt

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According to Currents, the store where I bought Chris the following sweatshirt, they don’t make it anymore.

In his favorite sweatshirt

Every time, we go to some San Francisco culture event, Chris wears his birthday present. I had swooped into Currents at the last minute, looking for the present. Unfortunately, the dog sweatshirt was not in the right size. But the cat was. Even though it was rather pricey, I bought it. I liked that there was never a pretentious air in the store unlike the other staples along the Valencia corridor.

And Chris loved it. At least once an hour, someone would come up to him and say, “I love your shirt!” And he would put on his hood to show the ears. Then turn around to show his wiggling tail.

When we went into Currents again, he talked to the owner. They don’t make it anymore, he said of the Japanese store.

One of a kind now. The only one.

Top 10 Defining Songs of the 2000s

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Music.

The one common language.

They often say that to aliens, music sounds like a way of putting sounds together. Why, they would ask. What evolutionary purpose? Pleasure perhaps, their scientists say. But we don’t croon songs to each other to find mates (especially those tone-deaf of us like me). And yet to me, it’s sticky.

In high school, I didn’t know what music was. Having grown up with KOIT 96.5, I only know soft sounds. Contemporary music. And pop music. Then shamefully, boy bands. Only in college did I start building a music taste—first it was techno, then emo, then finally indie twee pop. And with music, I often was enamored by the lyrics. As I started blogging and journaling, the lyrics would say what I couldn’t say.

This list may not represent the music I recommend, but it represents the influencers. Whether it’s shamelessly bad. Or just shamelessly good. These were the songs through lyrics and tones…that influenced some of the things I have done in the past 10 years.

10. Metric – Combat Baby

When I first saw Emily Haines on stage at Riottt in 2006, I knew.

9. Rikki – Suteki Da Ne (Isn’t it wonderful?)

This was the reason I was obsessed with Final Fantasy in college. But I never even played the game. I loved the visuals. And the music even though I spent hours upon hours searching for translation. Back then, the videos were passed around like jokes and this was one I kept.

8. 2gether = U + Me = Calculus

This is how I learned what a parody was. Although I loved the idea of the cute one. He passed away 2 years later.

7. Jimmy Eat World – Lucky Denver Mint

Jimmy Eat World was an excuse for me to enter the world of indie rock. A boy of course was the impetus. Did I even like J.E.W.? I don’t know, but I saw them twice in concert.

6. New Order – Bizzare Love Triangle

I know, not a band of the 2000s. But it was a song that defined moments. I chose it as karaoke so often. It is about a tryst. It is about a triangle. And if I get married, this will be somehow interwoven in.

5. Tai Mai Shu – Freestyle

My sister memorized the words and could recite them in a moment’s notice. I didn’t know what it was back then, but it was my first exposure to a viral video.

4. ‘Po Girl – Long Way Home
Listen
Listening to them was a way that inspired my writing. Especially inspiring my lacking lyric writing. I can’t make things rhyme.

3. Kiss – Because I am girl

One of the first songs on my blog

2. Arcade Fire – Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)

1. Muse – Starlight

Honorary Mention: Stars – Your Ex-Lover is Dead

My life did flash in front of my eyes

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Despite the old adage, I love looking in the past. At the beginning of every month, I read the blog entries from one year ago. I subscribe to Photojojo auto-generated timecapsule of my Flickr photos. I ask people regularly about stories about what they used to do. And as I walk the streets, I am amazed how 10, 20, 30 years ago…life was pretty much the same (I learned my coworker who is at least 15 years my senior used to visit her boyfriend regularly in the Mission and hated driving in because she could never find parking…just like now).

A few days ago, in preparation of my annual photographic post I imported my entire iPhoto library from my old powerbook to my new macbook pro. I had only acquiesced to using iPhoto in mid-2005, but as a result, I got into the habit of loading all my photos there. And there were so many photos. So the photos flashed quickly as over 10,000+ photos loaded into my nearly empty iPhoto on my macbook pro.

There was me bowling with other CMUers, the Halloween party where Sam dressed up as Carolyn, the party where I tricked everyone that I was drinking during beer pong when I was only drinking OJ, my graduation, the day I re-met Chris, my housewarming party, a trip to Seattle, my first hike up to the big C, Alex and Sarah’s wedding, Bay to Breakers, the attempts to be truly touristy in San Francisco, the last time Chris wore his favorite yellow t-shirt, the day before I broke my tooth, the night before I got laid off, the trip to NYC and Pittsburgh…all captured.

And so that suddenly inspired me. Unlike many people, I have accomplished blogging every day before. Especially during college. But with constraints (like maintaining career potential for one), I sometimes almost have trouble finding something to say. So inspired by many others, I have the started the 365 project. A photo can have many meanings to the random viewer, to an acquaintance, to someone close and to me. And so it begins (when I actually uploaded photos). Alright let’s go!

Each year of the past decade in 20 words or less

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2000
Graduated from high school and heading to UC Berkeley. Thought I met my first love. A boy from the Internet.

2001
Renewed. Know more people online than IRL. My internet persona is growing. I blog for the first time.

2002
I struggle with understanding what friendships are. Two boys from Michigan come visit me.

2003
Applying to graduate school, because I don’t know what to do. I travel to Minnesota.

2004
Got PB. Going to CMU! Discover that I am more sheltered than I thought. I hide behind the camera.

2005
Letting who I am shine through. I discover the secret to success. Ice cream tour. Eat a 6 lb burger.

2006
Graduate from CMU. Best year of the decade. Find my first real job. Move to San Francisco. Rediscover Chris.

2007
Groundhog day in Punxsutawney. Laid off. Start work at a design studio. Build design network.

2008
Struggle careerwise, but find secret. Figure out the real friendships. Laid off again. This time I do it right.

2009
Travel to Thailand. Find job. Obsessed with scavenger hunts and DIY food. Talk too much.

10 years ago and then 10 years later

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10 years ago…
It was December 31, 1999.

I was still in high school at Acalanes, only halfway through my senior year. That year, I suddenly realized that everything was going to be different…for the better. I had hope.

It was before I decided that I wanted to record everything. Back then, I shunned the idea of a diary.

I was sheltered. Only recently had I began meeting people online. I made one single friend that I actually intrinsically valued. I didn’t understand drugs, alcohol or music.

I thought I was going to be a computer scientist and make a lot of money. Even though I wanted to be a writer. I had applied to only four colleges: UC Berkeley, UCLA, UCSD and UC Davis. Despite pretty good grades and “above average” SAT scores…and an incredibly reflective essay, I didn’t think of applying to private colleges knowing that no teachers would recommend this shy, quiet, nearly mute girl.

On that night, my sister and I were downstairs watching the countdown on MTV. Sure, it was 3 hours behind, but that day I learned what the top 100 music videos of the 90s were. I don’t remember the top music video, but all I knew when it counted down…the 2000s were supposed to be better.

10 years later…

I have lived in San Francisco for three years and am working as an user experience designer since 2006. Some say it’s a highly coveted field. I have my bachelors from Berkeley and a masters from Carnegie Mellon.

I record everything and am a fan of social media. Shamelessly, I almost use every social network out there. I have a blog and am thinking of starting a few more.

I know a lot of people in San Francisco, particularly those in design or are hipsters. And I know more people IRL than I know online than in the middle of the 2000s. I understand my goals now. I understand what I don’t like. And it’s getting easier to deal with those quandaries that come up everyday.

I am working today and tomorrow. My coworker told me that I was Miss Popular when she asked me what I was doing tonight. Party-hopping, I said. I am heading to three parties, not because I will get bored. But because I don’t want to miss the opportunity of meeting new people.

There’s something about the next 10 years that is exciting. Having settled into work life, I am suddenly now at an impasse. I am looking for a change. To reinvent myself. To find happiness.

Year 2009

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WAIT hold on, my life is flashing in front of my eyes. At least the last 4 years as I import photos from iphoto on my powerbook to iphoto on my new macbook pro.

UPDATE

I spent the night reflecting on 2009. Unlike years past of 2005, 2006, 2007, and 2008, 2009 started out hopeful, but hope slowly turned into reality. Success yes, growing in my leadership. But what hopes there were, they were disappointments. I always am optimistic for the future, because it’s a blank canvas. Come at me, 2010!

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Top 10 Most Influential People of the Decade (to me)

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Yesterday, I showed Chris my Top 10 Internet THINGS (that influenced me) of the past decade.

His first question was, “And where am I?! :(”

I retorted, “You’re not an internet thing!”

So now that I have done Internet things and moments (or decisions), now the people. A few years ago, I started writing a list for 40×365 project — to write 40 words about one person every day for a year. A person that touched your life, whether negatively or positively. But I never did perhaps due to a discovery from the past or that…I had trouble coming up with 365 names.

But 10? Oh surely! I would say that my parents (and my sister) influenced me more in the years before 2000, but this is about the last decade. At the beginning of this decade, I entered adulthood, leaving Lafayette for college then to Pittsburgh for graduate school and then to San Francisco for work.

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Top 10 impactful moments of the past decade OF ME

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So there are the most important events of the last decade (including George W. Bush’s election) and Newsweek’s video of the past decade in 7 minutes. But what about me?!

Today I realized that I never knew how to make a blog not about me. And that despite the many times I have thought about it, I just can’t write a niche blog. Cooking, sports, movies, etc. Because the niche I know very well is…simply me.

I realize that the big world events have had less impact on me. Sure 9/11 made me think more about mortality and terrorism. And the swine flu has made me insecure. And celebrity deaths has made me insert them into my dreams even thought I never cared about them.

Although I am less self-centered than I used to be, but now for the voyeurs out there…I realize it’s the choices and decisions I made!

10. Buying a 12″ powerbook in 2004
After so much indecision, I had a friend who was interning at Pixar (back then, it was part of Apple) buy a powerbook for me. It was the best decision I ever made. After having switched to a PC at the start of college, I was ready for a change. I was hardcore Windows until working as a RCC made me hate windows for all the vulnerabilities and un-friendly behavior. Turns out becoming a mac lover turned my life around. For both acceptance, for understanding craft and design and the portability my desktop could not afford.

9. Volunteering to be an organizer for the Rescomp Reunion in 2009
With my sudden explosion of wanting recognition as a result of breaking free of my usual social anxiety, a friend and I started organizing a reunion. In the end because of nobody stepping up, I stepped up. As did the friend. But rising to the occasion gave me such perception into how things are done. How management is done. How to motivate people and plan for such a complex project. I hate to say it, but it did confirm how I inherently enjoy management as much as I scream through the process.
In organizing the rescomp reunion, I was able to establish and foster connections that I had unable to do so before. And I hope that those relationships will forge a great future.

8. Buying an airplane ticket to LA in 2000
This moment is most famous for the night that I went on priceline and entered $20 for a roundtrip from SFO to LAX. Including tax. Being pre-9/11, there was so much lax rules. Little did I know that this act would cement my first relationship, the first “boyfriend”. The one that taught me how to be geeky and enjoy trance music. Fortunately the latter has completely disappeared, but the former is a habit that has made me a know-it-all and a DIYer in problem solving.

7. Being accepted to UC Berkeley (starting with Fall Extension) in 2000
Well duh, one of the biggest phases in my life. If I had been accepted to UCLA, who knows what I would have done. Would I have gone? And where would I be now? Sure I spent most of those 4 years unsure of my direction, but never choosing something. I did things adequately, barely trying that hard for anything. But so many people, so many choices came from that school.

6. Being accepted to Carnegie Mellon University for the masters of human computer interaction in 2004
I remember the day that I was accepted. I was at the library in Toland Hall, studying for a psychology class. Or maybe I was wasting time before the psychology class. Whatever the case was…I was checking my email and there was an email from the mhci coordinator.
Like graduation from high school, I intended that graduate school would be different. I was to be less close-minded…try new things…do all the things that I was too timid to do. And so those two years affected me in ways that other phases never did.

5. Deciding to live in the Mission in 2006
Or better yet, living in San Francisco. After spending 4 months in my parents’ house, I had to go. Being in the Mission enriched my life in so many ways. It was close to everything. And everyone wanted to stop by. But I am not sure if it really became my own…not yet at least.

4. Watching Randy Pausch’s The Last Lecture in 2007
Although I had graduated by then and moved to California, I was enthralled. I had heard much about Randy (all professors go by first names at CMU at least to grad students) and wanted to take his class at the ETC. And so when I first saw the video just like countless others, I was inspired.
This is where I started writing again, cooking…beading…mostly re-discovering my passion.
And making sure that my goals aligned with my mission. Which always be…the pursuit of happiness.

3. Applying to the Rescomp internship in 2004
It was such a hasty decision walking by 8.5 by 11 in poster in Foothill. I talked to the boy mentioned in #8. And I applied. I got the internship but didn’t get the job the following year. I was asked to re-apply and although it felt very undermining, I applied again when asked. This whole job brought me to a whole new level in dealing with “customers” and solving problems. Also, it gave me extra income…and ways to cheat the system by spending hours sitting in front of the computer waiting for a scan to finish. Well hey it was being paid!

2. Hastily applying for an interaction designer job at Method in 2007
Careerwise, this was a very good move. Now working for another design firm, I realized how much basics I learned there. About designer dynamics, business dev, project management and design in products. Most importantly, how to get things done.
I chose Method only because it was one of the studios mentioned in the top 10 studios at DUX in San Francisco. Eliminating all the industrial design firms, I chose this one. And who knew that I would make so many connections. And that people could say…”You were at Method???!”

1. Going to the rubber ducky derby race in Oakland in 2006
This is where Chris and I connected over horchata! So there!

Top 10 Internet THINGS (that influenced me) of the past decade

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Five years ago, when I first introduced myself with If the Internet did not exist, I would not exist, I felt everyone give me a strange stare. I was immediately embarrassed, but glad that I had said it. How could I escape who I was? Might as well tell everyone that I was going to spend a whole crazy year in graduate school with!

And so it seems that this decade is ending. The teens are approaching. I graduated from high school in 2000. Having spent the previous 18 years as an outcast—feeling unliked by most people, having very few friends, having been very sheltered and…incredibly socially anxious. I decided that I didn’t want to be that person anymore. I didn’t know how much the Internet would shape me—even if this sounds like a melodramatic statement. In the late 90s, I experimented with making my own website on geocities and dabbling with an alter ego in chat rooms. But who knew that in the 2000s that it would be something entirely else.

What was my mission. My overall mission? I think it was always…Can you hear me? I want you to hear me.

10. Craigslist
I really don’t remember the first time I used craigslist. I do remember in the second year at Berkeley that I had to subscribe to a special list in order to find all the available rentals. It was annoying. Sure, it was sent via email, but it was…difficult to figure out if I was being ripped off…or just that I didn’t know any better. I remember during my senior year at Cal when I was studying location-based applications that my advisor showed me “lost and found” on craigslist. I was incredulous—who posted there? Years later, I discovered it seemed like a venting place much like the much-loved missed encounters. Can you hear me?
Why relevant? Because via craigslist, I have been able to rid more than 5 persons’ worth of crap from my house in Pittsburgh (just scream FREE and they will come), recruit users for studies even sketchy ones and find the roommate that I have lived with for more than 3+ years.

9. Email
Sure, I had an aol email account. Then a uclink.berkeley.edu account. Then cmu. Then all the email addresses at the various companies that I had worked at. Then all these various ones at hotmail, yahoo…and then gmail.
But what was so important to me then…it was this easy way to contact someone. In my social anxiety, writing an email was an easy way to reach someone. Hello, are you there? It was easier than a phone call and a visit. Sure, email to me has whittled down to emails of less than 5 words (usually occurring when I am pressed for time OR when I am pissed at someone for not reading my previous email RTFM I SAY RTFM) and my incessant attempts for more information, but it has helped me communicate in ways that I couldn’t before.
One of those boys that I met in the late 90s…we continued email conversations through 2000 almost like pen pals. If email wasn’t around then I would have never met him. And if email wasn’t around, he wouldn’t be able to dump me just like several words on a post-it.

8. Deals
I realize that I sometimes reflect this I am smarter than thou attitude, but this comes from an urge to be like a guy. Namely, deals. I am not sure how I discovered this in my early college years, but I started scouring the Internet on fatwallet and goapex. It was what all the cool kids did. In the nineties, Black Friday meant really cool toys from Target or Kmart. But deals in the past decade meant the websites. It meant electronics. It meant the best gadgets. It meant undercutting the store for something written in tiny print.
The only reason I ever had a credit card in college was because of a deal. I am not sure why I did it. But I had read how I could make tons of money by getting the american express blue card and doing a price match guarantee. I bought a Playstation 2 at some electronic store. Got some money back by saying something to customer service. Got a friend to ebay for me, earning me a huge profit. I never used that card again, it disappearing in the drawers of my parents’ house. I love AMEX.
But in that education, I learned never to pay full price for ANYTHING. I guarantee that I can find you the best price for something. Except concert tickets, because ticketmaster is sux0rs.

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