If I ever do get the chance to update from b2 to wordpress. Note to self: refer to these hints. I successfully updated my sister\’s blog. But I am very dissastified with the wordpress blogging interface, because the screens have been split into two. The place where I write is separate from where I can view all my previous entries. That\’s just not cool.

Today, I had a mini droplet of mojitos. Nowadays, I want to break out of my self-imposed ban on alcohol. So when Ricardo made me a fresh glass of mojito, I willingly took it. Unfortunately, the first two sips I took…I decided that I couldn\’t take it anymore. The alcohol was actually too strong and I decided that it probably wasn\’t worth it. Then it\’s a zap back to my self-imposed restriction. Why drink if I can still have fun without it?

I can only embarrass myself once a week. So this is why I went bowling. Every week, before the bowling night (we have been going every week), I think about how much I don\’t want to go. And I then I say so. But no matter what, someone convinces me (too easily, of course) to go. I never bowl that well. Today, my best score was only a 62. I did get one strike in that game, but otherwise I filled up all my frames with gutter balls.

But then we went to Eat N\’ Park afterwards which made me happy. Food. Yummy. So bowling today, no poker tomorrow. If I make a fool of myself once, I just don\’t have the energy to do it on a consecutive day. I just can\’t.

Today, I was shocked when one of my friends described me as extroverted. She could never see me as someone who stayed inside her dorm room all the time (as I did freshman year) This came from her first impression of me when I talked to everyone during the hci orientation week to the first year students (I am a second year student). I suppose it also comes from the fact that I am project manager for the design competition group…

This is totally different from how I see myself. I am an introvert. I have always believed that I fit into the stereotype of the (bright) shy, quiet asian girl. The one who seeks to hide in the corner, suffering from social anxiety. My outward appearance doesn\’t really fit that mold anymore. Yet, I would hate giving up the introverted label.

An introvert in society is actually rarer than an extrovert. Perhaps too, I would hate giving up being like everybody else.

Next question: go home for Thanksgiving?

The plane tickets are rather high and it has never been a big tradition in my family to celebrate Thanksgiving. On that Thursday, every year what happens is that my mom makes turkey. Turkey in soup. Turkey something. The majority of my Thanksgivings if I can recall were my sister, my dad and me at home. My mom at work (overtime pay on Thanksgiving!) As a result, I have been somewhat envious when I hear of families that have traditional dinners. They often say how much they hate it and how much they don\’t want to see their relatives. Yet, I would like some of that.

So I am trying to decide whether I should stay in Pittsburgh, go somewhere else (invitations, anybody?) or go back to California (I would get a chance to see family, but then I\’ll see them again in December).

There are some people I know who wear glasses all the time, but when they wear contacts or take off their glasses, they look completely different. Some even look like…a bully.

It\’s interesting how glasses define someone\’s personality. I see glasses like a \”glass wall\”. That was the reason that I wore glasses until I was 16 before I got contacts. I felt that my glasses gave me a wall between the world and me. That I was looking through a glass and that everyone looking in…would not see the real vulnerable me. It was been more than 7 years since I got my first pair of contacts. Yet, I wouldn\’t go back. My reasons are always that my glasses are bulky (I have a very high prescription) and are too thick…that I don\’t want people to think that I am blind. At the same time though, I like having this vulnerability out there, where people can really see my eyes and see what I am thinking.

My new rule of the house: don\’t wear sunglasses indoors! How do I know if I can trust you?

Apply to Google? Yes or no?

Randomly and almost spontaneously, I had gone to a concert (alone) at the Middle East nightclub more than a month ago when I was in Boston visiting Karen. To my surprise, the last act Parker House and Theory was one of the best bands I had ever seen. It wasn\’t that they had good music, but the members of the band had a really good vibe going on. And furthermore, they had many of their die-hard fans in the audience, which made it more fantastic.

But now a month later, I have discovered that Colin of the band saw my photo album! Saw the picture I took as I waved my camera wildly over heads. And it\’s surprising because it just came one day after I had put in robots.txt in to block any unwanted robots. But the moment I discovered I got a comment, I nearly um…died! It was just that…world-shaking that someone of a group so popular, so great…would leave a comment in a fan\’s photo album. That\’s how popular acts should really be like…

After being in the masters program for more than a year now, I almost expect that people will answer my e-mail within an hour. Then I get irritated when my e-mail is not answered within 2 hours. Then I realize that the whole world doesn\’t check e-mail every 10 minutes as much as I do. On weekdays.

Listening to Elliot Smith\’s \”Alameda\”, it makes me wonder if he knew what was going to happen a few years later. The song starts out by guitar strumming, a slow steady beat and then his voice appears. A similar quality like that of the Beatles. It has a sad moody quality, recalling a rainy dreary afternoon staring outside in the streets. An emotional quality.

Do people really know how we are like by our art? Many people who knows me often describe me as moody. Others describe me as extremely happy on the outside (my ims filled with excitement, my e-mails with fervor), but as they read my deeper thoughts in my blog and journal, they say that I am too deep, sometimes too deep of sorrow. To them, I am a living paradox of emotional balance. Perhaps, I consider what I write, maybe not here, a reflection of myself.

On Elliot Smith though. It is a tragedy, but I have always wondered what would have happened if someone had stepped in…in these kind of situations. What if someone was just there and had the courage to listen, not advise. It just seems that in today\’s world, people are more prone to tell people what is wrong and what should be fixed that they neglect to listen. I do the same. But from my own personal experience, the downs I have had, the only reason I was able to survive them was because there were people who listened to me vent, cry, and simply mope. So many people nowadays are afraid to upset people that they seem aloof and uncaring. Just a thought.