How did you travel in 2024? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?

In 2023, I stayed within the state due to limited to PTO and then made it to Utah for national parks! In 2022, I made up for all the lack of traveling by going to the Netherlands, Ohio, Portland in less than 2 months plus a stop in Arizona. In 2021, the second year of the pandemic, we stayed locally although did jet to Hawaii. In 2020, in the first year of the pandemic, I stayed local and only went to a few overnight destinations within a few hours of a drive—one before the pandemic (so it doesn’t count) and down to Central California. In 2019, I made a big trip to Japan and many domestic trips to Phoenix, Portland, and New York. In 2018, I traveled very domestically, mostly local for retreats in Ukiah, Scotts Valley, and Big Sur. Then San Diego for a work thing. And a trip to Squaw Valley. And a crazy long adventure through Chicago and New York. In 2017, I traveled to Minnesota for work, LA twice for “fun”, Las Vegas for a not-so-good fun, and Thailand/Myanmar! Also somehow forgot to mention Cincinnati for MidwestUX! And did I forgot to mention Phoenix? In 2016, I traveled to Finland/Sweden for my first big speaking gig, Portland for a “bachelorette” party, road trip to LA for my sister’s wedding, and Minnesota for work. In 2015, I went to Brazil for a conference, multiple work trips, and a midwest trip. In 2014, I went on multiple weekend trips, increased business trips, and found a destination for ice cream and writing. In 2013, I finished off the bulk of the travel for the Ice Cream Travel Guide. In 2012, I started the journey of a life and went to what I thought was unfathomable (in my life) — six domestic destinations and eight international destinations — for professional and personal reasons. In 2011, I went on one international trip, one domestic…and one super local. In 2010, I went on one international trip and multiple domestic trips.

In 2024, due to the national park pass and helping Chris with mental health and some unexpected things, we went to:

• Point Reyes for a three day workshop and parks!
• Tahoe for a ski trip
• Arizona to visit my sister and Jakobe! Then also to Tucson to Saguaro National Park, Chiricahua National Monument, Bisbee, and a few nearby attractions
• Colorado for Litfest since I got into an advanced weeklong writing workshop at Lighthouse and Rocky Mountain National Park
• LA several times to take care of Chris’ mom’s estate :(
• Washington State to visit friends, Olympic National Park, and Mt. Rainier

Next year? I got the devastating news of a health diagnosis plus the estate in LA requires a lot of work. So I am not sure what travel things will be happening. I had planned to be in LA for a writing conference, Washington DC for a work conference, and possibly Portugal for a writing conference. But everything is now on pause. At the very least, I know there will be at least one trip to LA. And maybe I can make it to Washington DC? But I am not even sure!

I recounted the most impactful entertainment pieces for me in 2014. Then I did it again for 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022, and 2023

Movies I Saw

This year, maybe I lost interest? Like was it worth it? So it was somewhat limited, but still good

• Anatomy of a Fall
• The Zone of Interest
• Challengers
• Deadpool & Wolverine
• The Fall Guy

TV Shows I Watched

• Penguin
• Industry
• American Sports Story: Aaron Hernandez
• True Detective: Night Country
• The Sympathizer

Books I Read

• Rejection
• Real Americans
• Victim
• There’s No Such Thing as an Easy Job
• The Story Game

Ways to Pass the Time

• Being anxious, which means so much…googling and reading through forums
• Wordling
• Planning for the future
• Scrolling through Instagram reels
• Worrying about Chris

Technology

• Back to Bluesky or Threads?
• Because of work, I am intrigued with the ways that people use technology to collaborate and communicate and how they hack together the tools they have to make it work in often inefficient ways
• Substack
• Notion (especially the templates!)
• Letterboxd

In his childhood room the day before the memorial, I found a heart-shaped notepaper that fell. It read, “My dear Chris, Mom miss you & love you. Be a good boy! Love, Mom 9/24/1991”

I met her only once for the first and last time. I can go into all the things she said to him after she met me and all the decisions that were made. But there’s little point to re-litigating what has happened and what could have been.

After I got over the initial traumatic experience during the first few weeks, I slowly started to sense all the love in the house. She created this place for him. For better or worse, she created tight boundaries to ensure as she stated in letters and the will, “a place for his good education.” You could also say that her criticism and high expectations were because she had such high hopes. It’s not disappointment, it’s just hope as stated just like in Joy Luck Club.

At the memorial service, I tried to make myself minimal, because it wasn’t my place. I didn’t know her. But she never knew how long we were together. She never knew that we were married. She didn’t even know what our hopes and dreams were. It could have been a fraught relationship just like many in laws are. I could have been more of a disappointment. I could have endured so many other things. But she is his mother. The one who made him who he is. And that’s the most that I could have wanted.

Like every extremely online person, I come across a social media post, especially from someone I don’t know and it made me think. Is it really my depleting estrogen that is leading me expressing more strict boundaries? Where I have no anxiety in expressing my boundaries. It’s their problem if they don’t like it.

I’ll respect you, but I don’t have to like it.

When I started college, I decided to completely reinvent myself. More than anything, I wanted friends so I decided to make myself more compatible for friendships. Or at least relatable. But along with this, I found myself walking the fine line of my personal principles. And of course, that spells trouble for me since I believed in being who I am while not having others infringe on my beliefs. It caused a lot of strife when I was younger leading to bitter breakups—romantic partners, friendships, or a disruption even with strangers.

With therapy/counseling, I learned that it was that I was allowing people to cross my boundaries. Although aside from victim-blaming, I didn’t build up a skill of expressing my boundaries. Until it was too late.

I am more expressive about what I want and need. Especially setting expectations. Maybe too transparently so—sometimes backfiring in my face. But didn’t I win? I stood up for myself. At least every day, I tell myself—it’s never worth it, it’s never worth it.

If they leave, it’s okay because I said what I said. It’s true. And it may be worse if I let things happen.

Previous years: 2023, 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, forgotten year in 2011, 2010, 2009, 2008, a forgotten year of 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003, 2002

What does it mean that I only update my blog for these annual rituals? But I suppose that I can’t help it. I really can’t move away from the things that I set for myself.

I also come to an age where I wonder if it’s okay to celebrate? But why not? Nobody says that I can’t. It’s my day and sometimes it seems like it matters more when we’re younger. But when we’re older, the many times we have done our birthdays, it becomes a blur. But I believe that it’s best to wish and hope.

1. That Chris finds his way out of the messiness
2. Fruit salad everyday!
3. Security and comfort in friendships
4. Finding ways to sleep well in uncomfortable environments (aka too warm or too noisy)
5. That I find someone in the industry to believe in my novel aka an agent or editor
6. Publish a short story or essay (though tbh I haven’t submitted any!
7. Clothes that make me younger—though irritated that IG has made me feel like I am dressing old
8. A poem that I can actually submit!

What makes a good year? Or a bad year? Is it just perspective? So yes, it certainly is perspective. But I also hav learned that sometimes it’s just exactly it is. You don’t apply judgement to it. I seek movement most of all in the year. But maybe I will discover that I have been moving all the time. During the pandemic, there was a general emphasis to focus on what matters in front of you. But sometimes that led to not doing much.

There was an era where I would schedule something every day. It felt exhausting. But then it meant movement. So move.

There were the years 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022.

So, let’s keep going.

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What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?

In 2022, it was it was the moment that all my hopes for the year started happening. In 2021, it was all the small moments that validates that I’ll be fine even if it was a tiered rejection letter. In 2020, it was when a product leader called attention to the quality of my work. In 2019, it was when I left my job and when Chris comforted me that we are ok. In 2018, it was realizing my own qualities. In 2017, it was giving advice in hopes of inspiring others. In 2016, it was the moment that when immersed in the election aftermath that anything could change. In 2015, it was the moment when I realized that I could finish Ice Cream Travel Guide. In 2014, it was when I wrote a well-crafted piece (that I read to a live audience 11 months later). In 2013, it was when light shone in the face of despair. In 2012, it was when I stood up for myself. In 2011, it was a moment of clarity, sincere belief and friendship. In 2010, it was an action of commitment.

Some may or may not know that Chris has had a horrible year. In the way that information and trust could be used in malicious ways. Maybe I did devote a lot of my energy in making sure that he was okay.

I have found more than ever that my creativity and energy gets paused (or zapped) when I am worried. Especially worried about him. Imagine if I had kids. I think that would be worse?

But I guess the moment came later when I could see him really enjoying our hikes in Utah. Although there were definitely several times that I complained that he was running up ahead and not waiting for me, it felt like we were in the flow as we climbed Angels Landing. When we watched the GoPro footage later, he reflected that he was worried that I was going to give up and that I worried that I was holding him back. In truth, I was fighting against a desire to go faster because I certainly didn’t want to fall all the way down the cliffs. I wanted to be sure about my footing which meant that I was going slowly. And I knew that I could make it. It was just going to be slow.

I remember that he was willing to wait. I could tell that, although it may come off like mansplaining, that he enjoyed telling me where to place my hands and feet, what rocks could appear easiest, how to swing. In an earlier essay, I alluded to how he described running up ahead, ““I am the herald. I am Jack Bauer. I am just making sure it’s safe for you.”

He was. Clearing the way. Making sure that I was okay. He wasn’t impatient. It wasn’t that I was grateful for his patience. It was embarassing in a way that I was so cautious. But more that it gave up him purpose. For a few days, he could feel needed. Seeing the red rocks lit by a rising or setting sun (when we actually made it), finding footholds, and just being in nature (because mobile coverage was so poor!)

I liked touching the rocks, he said later.

Like a spider? I asked. Like being one with the rocks.

Yes, to all of that.

When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?

In 2010, it was about dream making. In 2011, it was about sticking to my boundaries. In 2012, it was about being true. In 2013, it was about embracing fear. In 2014, it was sitting my butt down and writing. In 2016, it was about leading. In 2017, it was about persistence. In 2018, it was about seeing the big picture. In 2019, it was about moving on (on my own terms). In 2020, it was about valuing the things (and people) I love. In 2021, it was about deciding the next thing. In 2022, it was about execution.

My next step is about building the life that I want. At least to the best of my ability. Clean out the cobwebs. Lay out the infrastructure. Interestingly, without great intention, I did that in 2021, which led to a good 2022. But then this past year, I hadn’t done that much in 2022 for 2023 so then I didn’t have it. So I need to build. I need to lay it all out because that means that I could reap the rewards later.

That means, more effort to put my novel in the world. The same with essays and short stories. The just enough effort into the job so that it doesn’t intrude in my other parts of life. And as always, explore the pleasures of living.

I need to read more books. I need to clean out the things that I don’t want or need. I need to pull out all the dust from the things in my head so that I can see them in clarity. I need to sweep.

Maybe that’s what it all is. Cleaning the space so that I can thrive in the best way possible.

Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2023 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2023.

2022 5 minutes, 2021 5 minutes, 2020 5 minutes, 2019 5 minutes, 2018 5 minutes, 2017 5 minutes, 2016 5 minutes, 2015 5 minutes, 2014 5 minutes, 2013 5 minutes, 2012 5 minutes, 2011 5 minutes, and 2010 5 minutes

Here we go! The one entry that’s easy, I think? Sometimes though, maybe recency bias?

• Going Utah and visiting the Mighty 5 (all national parks) and actually making it all the way through Angels Landing (am I afraid of heights? yes, but if I don’t look, then it doesn’t matter)
• Seeing my sister and her kid not once, not twice, but thrice this year
• Visiting Universal Studios for the first time since I was a kid and making it through Nintendo World, especially through single rider lines, Toadstool Cafe, and various things
• Losing Toad at SFO, getting the call that he was found (although really it was just the item as SFPD calls it) and retrieving him a week later
• Eating not-so-great food in Utah
• Doing the “hike” to the “superbloom” in that beachy beach place just south of Pacifica
• Hosting and organizing not one but two writing retreats with fellow writers—one north in Calistoga and the other in Point Arena
• Getting feedback for my novel which encouraged me to keep going even with all the doubt that I have for myself
• Several days when Chris went to Tahoe and left me behind, and me wondering could I survive? Of course, I did
• Baking regularly for Writing Accountability Group

Reading my piece about my childlike tendencies, pregnancy stuffs, and Ho-Oh at The Racket and being told that it was meaningful

• Walking with Jakobe throughout San Francisco while playing Pokemon Go
• Going to the old school Muni buses and light rail trains celebration day
• Going to the Winter Holiday (to try to buy the sweater) for BART
• Working in the government?
• Attending the Diane Feinstein memorial while navigating Secret Service and (barely) rubbing elbows with very important people

What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

In 2010, I made xmas photo. In 2011, I made metaphorical thingsthat were intentionally symbolic of relationships and history. In 2012, I made ice cream. In 2013, I made design. In 2014, I made “my room”. In 2015, I made the last line of Ice Cream Travel Guide, literally. In 2016, I made my annual holiday video. In 2017, I made another annual holiday video. In 2018, I made scones (from the Tartine cookbook)! In 2019, I made another holiday video! In 2020, I made some minor things (a chapter and writing prompts), but of course the biggest thing was the annual holiday video! In 2021, it was of course annual holiday video, which was built on little videos that I had made throughout the year. In 2022, it was again the holiday video.

Perhaps it’s always the timing of it. At least I don’t want to say the most significant that I last made was something that I did at work. Like writing an email to a participant. Like completing training (because obviously they’re due at the end of the year). Like writing up a document.

No, of course, it was the holiday video was sent late on Christmas because we had just arrived back from Utah. I had done a slightly similar version of the video on Thanksgiving gathering in responding to an uncle’s question last year during Thanksgiving, “Is living in San Francisco dangerous?”

I was angered by the question, suggesting that the city was a bad place to live. I sputtered at the time, because I knew what he was asking about all the shoplifting and the visible poverty. So as I have done in previous years, I created (along with Chris’ help) a video that played on the Instagram vs. reality. Which was reversed. It felt like a showy response of what we did in a year, but that was the intent for Thanksgiving.

For the annual holiday video, I added more substance and played into the viral trend of showing a mundane day in the life of. As usual, I used clips and photos from the year. I had fretted a lot over the music because when I had no music, it felt kind of dead. Initially, I did Sia’s California Dreamin’, but with our voiceover for Day in the life of…it didn’t seem to work. Chris suggested using a record scratch sound effect as a transition. And it worked. When we did the voiceover, we did it in cuts, because how could we describe everything accurately all in one take. Whenever I would mess up, I would just stop the recording and do the portion again. So easy, especially cutting it up in iMovie. There was no complexity like it was for the parody of doing Tik Tok a few years ago. Then I pulled everything together. Adjusted the sound for each audio and video clip. And done.

Making the 10 things we learned this year was somewhat hard. I brainstormed a list in a Google doc. But for Chris because it was a bad year, it just invited him to ruminate about all the bad stuff. So that took some time.

But then we sent it late evening on Christmas to over 75 people (bcc’ed) and boom done! Were people offended? I don’t know! I did have one clip of a protest. So!